Zeel the Great.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Anime Universe is in a Recession.

I'm the type of person who enjoys reading people slander anime, so when I googled "fairy tail Review" I was appalled that there wasn't a SINGLE review bashing this anime debacle. It's so easy. let's start:

Fairytail. Yes, it's easy to make a whimsical fail related name alteration, but I will not do it.

Plot
Ever watch a show, go for a piss break, come back and realize that the story has just dramatically changed? Only in fairytale can a story start with the main character coming off a train and end with a girl being sold into prostitution. Pacing! logic ! Beginning! Middle! Ending! Forget these terms if you want to watch fairy tail.

I've never been so confused and disinterested with fire breathing dragons IN MY LIFE! The story literally grabs all the cliches, stereotypes and generic characters and makes a fail-stew. The story is basically Ichigo, excuse me, Naruto, no wait, NATSU runs into hot bitch number 1 and she needs rescuing within 5 minutes of her introduction, Lucy they call her. Sounds like a hooker, which is probably the only thing this anime does right.
Oh yeah and they summon "monsters" with keys.

God help the Anime Universe, it's in some serious trouble.

rating: sucks

Characters:



Natsu: When you're 9, you like to make chars as cool as fucking possible. Right? Meet the opposite. Natsu's hair is pink, he has motion sickness and travels with a talking cat named "happy". Even ichigo was cooler and his name was strawberry. This whole metrosexual bullshit that the Japaneses like to exploit is ridiculous. what happen to manly as hell characters? Who could rip phone books with their eyes and dragon kick you to the moon! Naw, we get Natsu, who, btw, breathes fire and still is uncool! That's a very awkward skill, indeed.


The cat: I'll tell you what I would of named it, "lame". As in this is one lame as hell character.The cat definitely doesn't make me feel "happy". It's like they designed this character specifically to piss me off. WHO THINKS a BLUE TALKING cat is COOL?


and he has wings.

I am not kidding. This show wasn't even trying to be coherent with this character.
btw looking for her picture, it took me until the 5th page to find one where she wasn't wearing a bikini

Lucy: Blond hot bitch who will be useless for the rest of the series. She also is amazingly wimpy. Amazingly, think of all the useless female chars through-out history, she will trump them by atleast 56%. Oh and by the way she wants to be a mage for some reason, considering she cant. A. fight. B. Defend. C. Run away. D. Use magic E. Contribute to the plot.


She would make a perfect candidate for the most powerful guild of Mages. If mages were pussies.
Which they apparently are, since she got in! plot hole again!

rating: sucks




Humour:
Every 12 seconds there's an attempt at humour, and every 12 seconds they do not succeed. The humour is so forced, like hemorrhoids. They're constantly trying to make me laugh, not once did I laugh. What do they expect? do they think I find motion sickness funny? or guy-eating-super-fast funny? or how about Lucy being an oblivious whore? Do they think I find that funny? Infact my face had a permanent frown.

Rating: Super sucks



Fights
what pissed me off the most! They would take breaks MID-FIGHT to make some CORNY JOKE! "omg he's so hawt HES ON FIRE"
I don't want to hear lame Anime puns. okay? What do they call this shogo or whatever? People watch these shows for two things:
A. fanservice, by the way, this show succeeded, exponentially, in this aspect.
B. Cool-ass-fights

And when you give me a fight where the main character is floating in mid air as he does some sort of dance move, i'm asking myself, WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS? the fights, WEAK-SAUCE. The fights are basically.


bad guy: hey, hey, hey, i stole your girlfriend
Natsu: Hey, hold it! *does something moronic*
the bitch: NATSUUUU!!!!
Natsu: AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! fire-breathing-stupid-as-shit-attack

End.

There's a pointless build up, the fight last about aslong as it takes him to do that one move. Listen, fire isn't that god damn destructive, whenever I try to burn my 8 year old cousins toy, it takes for god damn ever, but in this show, fire is like the spit from Jesus!
Get out of the way! Natsu can breathe fire!



Oh and how can I forget, guess what the story is about?

Him finding his father.

Guess who his father is?

A Dragon.

rating: sucks, especially when Lucy is involved

Music:
Fairytail's Opening Theme
Japanese you cannot speak English, WHY the hell do you try? do you see me going ikadakitmus after meals? Or in my songs for that matter?


FAERY waroo gawing!

You know what they're trying to say? Fairy where are you going. How did I figure that out? I had to google the lyrics. It's just sad that they keep trying to slam a bunch of English phrases into songs that are 90% Japanese and targeted 100% to JAPANESE. and during the theme why the fuck are they turning around? Are they watching the morons who continue to support and view this show? As they turn around they yell "Oh yeah!" They must secretly mean:

"OH YEAH! you've been punked!"


And at the end of the incredibly long opening theme song it goes "and say good bye".
What?

Also, also, there's some Irish-techno bullshit going on during the fights, I'm not having it.

Rating: not as suck, the Irish techno was cool in a way that it was different. Like fallout boy, i mean, if they were different and Irish.


Summary
super duperly bad! Do not watch. If you hear someone talking about it, start vandalizing shit in their house. We should not tolerate such crap in our American community and you Japanese still can't speak English, I'm not sure why you try(??)



4 comments:

  1. Your right.
    But your still a faggot.
    ~ Love, anon

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this show its awesome... you can come start vandalizing shit in my house now...

    ReplyDelete
  3. This anime and every other anime you fucking critized is fucking awesome. The story is GREAT! The plot is GREAT! Why the HELL do you have to diss Hiro Mashima's hard work!

    You apparently don't understand ANYTHING! And I agree with Anon Your the FAGGOT!

    ReplyDelete