Zeel the Great.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I AM ANGRY.

I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO FLAME BUT THIS PATHETIC BLOG.
There is literally 5 billion fucking webpages and not a goddamn one can entertain me. I don't think I'm maturing. I just think you jokers are simply inferior.


I could run into an autistic kid and I'd just pass him up. THAT'S how boring it is to flame now. You guys make this like the Medieval ages, except I have a fucking Grenade launcher. SOMEONE bring up their game. Okay? I don't want to turn this into a rant about how I shit cakes and make women pregnant with my EYES. But jesus shit guys. What the hell is this. It's a damn shame when the "TROLL" gets bored of the trolling. YOU GUYS are just generic. It's just upsets me that real life is more entertaining than internet. real life is suppose to be mundane and uninteresting. And yet when I log on it's like LIFE v2, except faggier with no titties.

The worst part being.. there is NO ZEEL JR to continue on the legacy. cause all of you are shit. I would have to go in a time machine and have sex with my grandaughter to make a plausible Zeel replacement. Which isn't fucking possible because you shitheads are on the forum reporting me instead of making god damn time machines.


Until further notice, I AM SUSPENDING ALL FLAMING, "TROLLING", GENERALLY BEING AN ASS ACTIVITY. I AM UNINSPIRED. AND IT'S 100% YOUR FAULT.

Fuck you teabaggers, I don't owe you shit.

Yes, it's been literally a month since I updated this blog and the only reason I got is I don't give a fuck.


So you say, why Great Zeel have you decided to update today then? Well, I'll tell you why. It's 2am and I swear to god. I hate YAHOO ANSWERS.

I am about to go to my bed, right. But I'm like, NOT tired. so I go to yahoo answers to read some of their stupid shit questions.. and I stumble onto something about "SECRET TO MAKING GIRLs LIKE ME EVEN THOUGH I'M ATROCIOUSLY UGLY AND POOR?"

and then I run into the most bullshit answers of the internet.

Answer One: it's the inside that counts! I have a sexy husband who has engaging green eyes and he makes like 50 k a year and I aint gotta work at the mall anymore, and it's all because of how FUNNY his knock knock jokes are.

Answer two: To be honest, you are fucked mate. Good luck.

Answer three: i bet my ass you are chasing super-hot supermodle girls. WHY don't u date plain jane. You deserve to be alone You fat fuck.

Answer four: girls aren't shallow at allllll! we find money and material possessions more important. :D

I then decide to search up... "Girl" and "Boy". and guess what I found? You guys are too obessed with getting into eachothers pants. Everyother question is "is s/he intersted?"

It's honestly really sad guys. However, I am here to help. Am I not merciful?

I am about to present to you the ONLY GUIDE you WILL EVER NEED TO PICK UP THE OPPOSITE SEX. It's worked like FIVE times for me.

FOOL PROOF VAGINA PLAN:


Assess your environment: Understand that shit can happen at ANYtime. you gotta be prepared. Squirrel attack, cockblockers, sisters. BE ALERT.

Sexy Eye Contact Time: Just stop talking mid conversation and stare. If she gets uncomfortable, you're doing it right.

Sexual puns: Use a lot of unnecessary sexual adjectives. Ex. Hey, Jamie, can you pass me that screwdriver I need to plow the screw into the plank. I get very anal about it. Especially if the intercourse is done improperly, I get very testy. penis penis penis.

Endurance: you know how I fucking know who Lauren Conrad is? Because my nuts are tough. Learn to suck it up folks.

Confidence building: make sure you mention how awesome you are atleast twice a day. I try to sneak in how I am a potential NBA star everytime she mentions MTV. I think that's a nice balance.

Conan the Barbarian: Stop wearing shirts. Get a fucking axe. Yes, this is mandatory. Chicks like fucking vikings.