Zeel the Great.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I'm getting mad hate from every corner of my life.

I wake up, go to my fridge, we out of bacon. Hate.

I get up, try to log into my DFO source account, I get banned. Hate.

I go to my blog to rant about it, i see two new comments from two holy shittsters. Hate.



I go to my girlfriends house (soon to be ex) and guess what happens?
I'm playing San Andreas right ( I brought my ps2 over) and i'm doing that mission where you have to drop off OJ loc' to the burger joint. you know? the hard as an erection level? Keep in mind, i've replayed this level like 5 times now! Just as I'm about to getaway from the cops(three star wanted level)

HOTNOSE comes RIGHT INFRONT OF THE screen. RIGHT INFRONT. During the pivotal moment of escape (Getting into the car). She comes in and goes "WE NEED TO TALK"
and then i hear the "GET ON THE GROUND" from the screen and I know I've just lost two games.

the actual interaction went something like this:


Woman- "Are you busy? Because we need to talk"
Me- "FUCK!"...."I mean, sure princess."
"Dammit, I don't want to bullshit empathy for another 30 minutes"



At this point, i haled ass out of there, running as fast as water is wet. I left my ps2 with a probably ironic "BUSTED" message on the screen. hate.





Now I'm avoiding calls and emails and any female interaction with the woman until i get a game plan. Here's what I am thinking.


1. Fake heart attack or seizure. Always fun but hard.
2. Pre-emptive dump. Before she even sits down, i yell 'U R BEING DUMPED"
3. swamp her in compliments and hope to avoid the breakup until I can pull another flyer hotter chick.
4. cry in public. Yikes.

Yes and I don't understand why she is dumping me(ME OF ALL PEOPLE) but I AM NOT GOING TO LET IT HAPPEN.




hotnose = nickname because her nose is sexy as fuck. It's REDAWNKULICS

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I AM DATING A GIRL





why would I fabricate someone who makes my life miserable?

Who the fuck does that? Honestly, I'm not that much of a psycho fuck that I enjoy being treated like a personal ken doll. Seriously, get your head examined. I can't even fathom why anyone would waste time conjuring up an imaginary female who plays with their balls like its a musical instrument (not in the good way). Next, why would you doubt me? have you seen how physically well built I am? HAVE you read my blog? I AM FUNNY and GOOD LOOKING. there is nothing else a girl could want, that's why I have one.

Unlike the average reader of my blog. So sad that you guys are such losers. Not that I'm particularly proud of this relationship. It reminds me of DAYS OF OUR LIVES. its entirely too mellow dramatic and not enough booty. I wish I was single but I do not have the willpower to end it. If you read my other rant, it basically lays it out. I am one sick fucker. I seem to enjoy (put up) with her treatment. This must be what love is.


Also she is like some sort of hybrid between crack cocaine and emotional tirades. Fucking sucks.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Kate Gosselin - setting the standard for housewives everywhere!


Because of the British fangirls over at TVGASM got me eliminated.. i now have a tv recap that i wasted hours on. So Im just sticking it here. Budda' bing.

I’ll never understand why Americans our enamored by eight little shits and their prostitute of a mother. Inside Kate’s World is like watching a blind midget ride a bicycle, a cascade of failure on a mountain bike.



So you want me to recap “In Kate’s World”? for these thankless little peasants? Who throw a huge tantrum over a few British jokes? Well, giddy up then. (By the way there will be A PLETHORA of British jokes to come, suck on it) It starts off with a bunch of B list celebrities bolstering Kate Gosselin. I mean, some of these quotes are ridiculous and you can tell they realize it half way through. Here’s and example:


LOL. Tell us how you really feel.


Anyways, after about, like, what? 10ish quotes of them saying obviously rehearsed crap, we transition into a hair segment. Yes, and I counted, we spend 11minutes and 39 seconds on her hair extensions. Honestly, any one out there who is actually enjoying this show you need some serious medical help. At this point I became more preoccupied with the “CAKE BOSS” excerpt at the bottom right of the screen. Can someone tell me if that show is good? Or what it is about? Seems like people come together and make some badass cakes. Yummy. God knows I wont be watching this chick channel ever again.


it pains me that I am contributing positively to the ratings.

After, what felt a little bit like time compression, we finally move on to her bumbling fuck up on Dancing With The Stars and you know what? I don’t really understand why anyone is wasting their time discussing KATE GOSSELIN. The blonde extensions make her look like an over glossed tramp. This is just another ‘segment’ of the most trivial crap imaginable, seriously, TLC, there are kids in Mozambique who don’t even have sanitary water, why are we wasting time examining some girl’s awful dance moves? Don’t get me wrong kids, I’m not a pacifist. I just feel it’s akin to torture to force anyone to watch an hour of this.



Well switch majors, honey. You are on the wrong path!

OooOoOoo la la I’m Kate Gosselin, I had 8 kids. No one gives a shit. Get a life all you Kate Gosselin fans, you need real hobbies and REAL lives. Thankfully, they literally flood this show with commercials, which I greatly appreciate. Each break relieves the massive strain this show is putting on my cranium. When we return we usually start some other stupid insignificant part of KATE GOSSELIN’s life. This time we focus on her book signing. Again, I hate to keep ranting in the middle of this craptastic show, but what could she possibly write about? How to dance badly and still call it a ‘career move’? Please! Someone give me a shovel so I can bury this bitch and bring her back to Earth.

I bet my left nut she is sleeping with ‘Steve’ Naw, kidding. I am just fabricating shit for the heck of it. (68% chance she is shacking with him this exact moment)

The next segment was probably the best 4 seconds of the show. For the first 30ish minutes we had to deal with a lot of her stupid fangirls and her inflated sense of purpose. Her crappy book signing surely flounced her back into reality. She was expecting FIFTEEN HUNDRED FANS! And, I swear to god, I counted EIGHT. Universal Justice! God, you taste sweet on my tongue. That’s what you get for creating this ridiculous 60 minute show and making me watch it.


Oh another interesting tidbit, apparently she gets EMAIL THREATS. Seriously, Americans? Seriously? Threats to Kate Gosselin? Do you know there are REAL terrorists? This girl spends her morning cleaning up pudding pops. Why is she on anyone’s priority list? Damn. I’d really like to read some of these threats.

EDIT: Here is a real intimidating threat I’ve obtained.



Finally, to wrap this up, we spend the last 20 minutes.. on what I can only call an emotional tirade over child custodddddyy. She is tearing up and I am wondering why she has a limousine. Why is a limo necessary to take her from her home to a studio? Is she too glamorous for a taxi now? Sheese? It’s just her and KEVIN too (and the camera man) what a waste of money! Oh yeah, her crying is about people calling her a bad mother, blah, blah, end, blah, end, end. This show is total waste of my time


she said it, not me.