Zeel the Great.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Zeelies - Escapist

It's become startlingly clear to me that I am the best at this here flaming thing. I'd like to think I've revolutionized the craft and inspired young jackasses to sharpen their crafts and become giant jackasses.  When I started out I was just a youngin' looking to waste time and get my jollies. Now, what? half a decade later, I've turned this little afterschool activity into an art form.


That's why I think I need to commemorate my achievements somehow and I think I know the best way.  going through all my encounters and spotlighting my best ones in various categories. You know, like the Oscars but about pure unadulterated talent and not just box office sales.
Lets Start with one of my favourite forums of this year: ESCAPIST.

WORST MEMBER


He had NO redeemable quality what so ever. Even flaming him was painful, boring and pathetically easy. He was the bottom tier of the forum and I found myself utterly above responding to him.








Winner: errtheking:

Halo is gay. How old can you possibly be and still like halo? And to this day he still has that masterchief as his blasted avatar. Sorry, that game has no redeamble quality, its a shit game, with a hollow story, crappy boss fights, generic weapons and a protagonist so gay he would have anime characters running for the hills. What I don't understand is why he would brandish that taste all over the board like that. it's like admitting to a stranger you're into bondage. Like its okay if you're into bondage, but if you are, you need to stay low key about it. same thing with Halo, you stay in the closet with that taste. That taste is so bad, the moment I saw your avatar I pegged you as an anal little asshole with a giant hardon for shooter games, and  gosh darnit if I wasn't 100% on the mark. One of my biggest regrets is not getting a Halo topic up, it was actually one of my planned out Flame-kamkazi's. you know, when I was gonna go out in a pyre. I had this beautiful Halo rant topic just lined up and I swear, i was seriously considering it. it was 4th on the list for how I wanted to get banned. Thats how appaling Halo is and thats how much your tastes suck. I would literally suicide ban myself just to share my dislike for it.

You also can't construct a plausible argument.


Special mention:







boag:
you were completely nonsensical in almost everything that you wrote. I honestly dreaded replying to you because your posts would illicit such a massive headache in me. I honestly had to use advil once. I swear to god, I had to go to the bathroom and pop a painpill cause his posts were causing a splintering headache. You even manage to format your posts incorrectly, either by slapping some crappy colour on it or replying INSIDE the quote box. Like some inept retard with no sense on how the forums work. Here's some advice jackass, when you reply inside a quote BOX,s urprise surprise, I have to dig through MY reply to FIND yours. That shit drove me insane, like my time wasn't valuable, that I should spend my valuable minutes scouring my own posts for his pathetic rebuttals. It was obvious I was beyond your capabilities from your fucking name, but then you just had to reply with your fanboy sheep crap. Taunting me with your stupidity.

boag: "oh zeel, please, please ram me, please, please!"
it was such an uncomfortable feeling to reply to you. Knowing that whatever eloquence I scrounged up was a wasted effort.

and ChrisRedfield92




 I'm assuming 92 is the year of his birth and it shows. Take an IQ test, you'll be surprised by the results.



MY FAVOURITE OOPSIE FLAME

Alright, I'll admit that sometimes the way I post is sometimes meant to be somewhat provocative sometimes. Not in the trolling way, mind you, it's not like I'm like yelling "TFC IS FOR CASUAL!!" or "OP IS A FAGGOT" but my manner is sort of aggressive, that's because its meant to generate synapses in the minds of our youth. I say it in that manner because I don't want you idiots pussy footing about over the issues! However, sometimes I just don't give a crap about the youngins and I just want to participate in some light-hearten discussion.


And almost without fail, these are the moments that my harmless posts get blowned out of proportion. a single spark is turned into a pyre of pissing and moaning of various multitudes and I stand right in the center, scratching my head?  Somehow this harmless post.


Kicked off 5 pages of debate.

Crap like this pisses me off because it is as clear as the night sky in mid February of cold Canada evening. That these members were looking to engage me. They were picking for a fight and when they got it. They still want to piss about it? Unbelievable. I have over 1000 posts, at least 60% are posts MEANT to generate synapses, meant to probe you mind, challenge the status quo, provide an insightful comment.  and yet meaningless posts like THIS get blow up? come on!

Runner up.







BEST/WORST FANGIRL
There wasn't even a debate with this one.

SajuurkKhar you are such a fangirl, I would not be surprised if you had little Bioware plushies wedged up your cornhole. Honestly, I'd like to think it was the fact that I had argued her into a corner. That I was so undeniably in the right that her brain just sort of FLOOSH. Her mind like malufuntioned and her cognitive ability just took a long vacation. Thats what I would love to think, but, you know what? I suspect she really is that much of a fangirl. That she really and truly believed that above argument was good. I think her little Bioware figurines begged her to continue with her brainbustingly pathetic assualt, and so she did to the best of her ability.

And it wasn't even like her arguments were good before that particular reply, but atleast point A lead to point B, you know? Atleast they were coherent.  But after that reply, i think a little part of me died. Truly. I don't like fangirls, but I didn't really believe that they could exist in such purity. That somewhere out there, furiously replying to me, there was this young girl hungrily waiting for bioware to figuratively (and maybe literally) shove their fist up her ass.


FAVOURITE MEMBER







She was pretty badass. Her posts were amusing and insightful half the time. Plus this post had me dying for minutes. 5 stars Kahuna! You have much potential! Don't get banned and continue the plight.

Special mention






ONLY MANCRUSH






Oh Dexter~
There was just something about your demeanor that just put a smile on my face. And the fact that you disliked me, just intensified the crush!  Your arguments were sound and your name and your avatar are so manly.

BEST ZEEL POST
There are times that even I'm awed by my eloquency. Like, its obvious to the layman that my posts are undeniably better than generic poster fodder but sometimes I just shine so fucking bright I have to sit back and just read it over. I've narrowed it down to 3 posts.

 


























PEGGED ME

It doesn't happen often, or usually at all. But sometimes, a post will just peg me so hard I flinch. You know, reading the same generic crap for a few pages and then BAM you see a post just define you to your core and I honestly have to laugh. because fuck were they so bang on it was undeniable really. There are only 3 instances of this but I must share them.









This one was unfortunate. I mean, jesus. It's like he invaded my head and riffled through my thoughts. THOUGH I WILL NEVER EVER BE A FANBOY. EVER.








Probably one of the only insightful things to come from this twats mouth.











MOST UNDESERVED WARN










Other than being framed, this one was pretty unfair.


 BEST FANBOY











he was kind of obnoxious but he had a decent sense of humour so I guess he was the best of the ridiculous bunch. I mean, its not saying much, but being number one is better than not, right?




FAVOURITE CHEERLEADER (IN DENIAL)

Don't think I can't tell. I know when someone is secretly inlove with me. You must excuse me for leaking our most intimate conversations but I feel its fitting. However if you don't want them up, just say something and I will take them down. I will bleep out your name though cause I'm not that much of an asshole.