Zeel the Great.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Zeelies - Escapist

It's become startlingly clear to me that I am the best at this here flaming thing. I'd like to think I've revolutionized the craft and inspired young jackasses to sharpen their crafts and become giant jackasses.  When I started out I was just a youngin' looking to waste time and get my jollies. Now, what? half a decade later, I've turned this little afterschool activity into an art form.


That's why I think I need to commemorate my achievements somehow and I think I know the best way.  going through all my encounters and spotlighting my best ones in various categories. You know, like the Oscars but about pure unadulterated talent and not just box office sales.
Lets Start with one of my favourite forums of this year: ESCAPIST.

WORST MEMBER


He had NO redeemable quality what so ever. Even flaming him was painful, boring and pathetically easy. He was the bottom tier of the forum and I found myself utterly above responding to him.








Winner: errtheking:

Halo is gay. How old can you possibly be and still like halo? And to this day he still has that masterchief as his blasted avatar. Sorry, that game has no redeamble quality, its a shit game, with a hollow story, crappy boss fights, generic weapons and a protagonist so gay he would have anime characters running for the hills. What I don't understand is why he would brandish that taste all over the board like that. it's like admitting to a stranger you're into bondage. Like its okay if you're into bondage, but if you are, you need to stay low key about it. same thing with Halo, you stay in the closet with that taste. That taste is so bad, the moment I saw your avatar I pegged you as an anal little asshole with a giant hardon for shooter games, and  gosh darnit if I wasn't 100% on the mark. One of my biggest regrets is not getting a Halo topic up, it was actually one of my planned out Flame-kamkazi's. you know, when I was gonna go out in a pyre. I had this beautiful Halo rant topic just lined up and I swear, i was seriously considering it. it was 4th on the list for how I wanted to get banned. Thats how appaling Halo is and thats how much your tastes suck. I would literally suicide ban myself just to share my dislike for it.

You also can't construct a plausible argument.


Special mention:







boag:
you were completely nonsensical in almost everything that you wrote. I honestly dreaded replying to you because your posts would illicit such a massive headache in me. I honestly had to use advil once. I swear to god, I had to go to the bathroom and pop a painpill cause his posts were causing a splintering headache. You even manage to format your posts incorrectly, either by slapping some crappy colour on it or replying INSIDE the quote box. Like some inept retard with no sense on how the forums work. Here's some advice jackass, when you reply inside a quote BOX,s urprise surprise, I have to dig through MY reply to FIND yours. That shit drove me insane, like my time wasn't valuable, that I should spend my valuable minutes scouring my own posts for his pathetic rebuttals. It was obvious I was beyond your capabilities from your fucking name, but then you just had to reply with your fanboy sheep crap. Taunting me with your stupidity.

boag: "oh zeel, please, please ram me, please, please!"
it was such an uncomfortable feeling to reply to you. Knowing that whatever eloquence I scrounged up was a wasted effort.

and ChrisRedfield92




 I'm assuming 92 is the year of his birth and it shows. Take an IQ test, you'll be surprised by the results.



MY FAVOURITE OOPSIE FLAME

Alright, I'll admit that sometimes the way I post is sometimes meant to be somewhat provocative sometimes. Not in the trolling way, mind you, it's not like I'm like yelling "TFC IS FOR CASUAL!!" or "OP IS A FAGGOT" but my manner is sort of aggressive, that's because its meant to generate synapses in the minds of our youth. I say it in that manner because I don't want you idiots pussy footing about over the issues! However, sometimes I just don't give a crap about the youngins and I just want to participate in some light-hearten discussion.


And almost without fail, these are the moments that my harmless posts get blowned out of proportion. a single spark is turned into a pyre of pissing and moaning of various multitudes and I stand right in the center, scratching my head?  Somehow this harmless post.


Kicked off 5 pages of debate.

Crap like this pisses me off because it is as clear as the night sky in mid February of cold Canada evening. That these members were looking to engage me. They were picking for a fight and when they got it. They still want to piss about it? Unbelievable. I have over 1000 posts, at least 60% are posts MEANT to generate synapses, meant to probe you mind, challenge the status quo, provide an insightful comment.  and yet meaningless posts like THIS get blow up? come on!

Runner up.







BEST/WORST FANGIRL
There wasn't even a debate with this one.

SajuurkKhar you are such a fangirl, I would not be surprised if you had little Bioware plushies wedged up your cornhole. Honestly, I'd like to think it was the fact that I had argued her into a corner. That I was so undeniably in the right that her brain just sort of FLOOSH. Her mind like malufuntioned and her cognitive ability just took a long vacation. Thats what I would love to think, but, you know what? I suspect she really is that much of a fangirl. That she really and truly believed that above argument was good. I think her little Bioware figurines begged her to continue with her brainbustingly pathetic assualt, and so she did to the best of her ability.

And it wasn't even like her arguments were good before that particular reply, but atleast point A lead to point B, you know? Atleast they were coherent.  But after that reply, i think a little part of me died. Truly. I don't like fangirls, but I didn't really believe that they could exist in such purity. That somewhere out there, furiously replying to me, there was this young girl hungrily waiting for bioware to figuratively (and maybe literally) shove their fist up her ass.


FAVOURITE MEMBER







She was pretty badass. Her posts were amusing and insightful half the time. Plus this post had me dying for minutes. 5 stars Kahuna! You have much potential! Don't get banned and continue the plight.

Special mention






ONLY MANCRUSH






Oh Dexter~
There was just something about your demeanor that just put a smile on my face. And the fact that you disliked me, just intensified the crush!  Your arguments were sound and your name and your avatar are so manly.

BEST ZEEL POST
There are times that even I'm awed by my eloquency. Like, its obvious to the layman that my posts are undeniably better than generic poster fodder but sometimes I just shine so fucking bright I have to sit back and just read it over. I've narrowed it down to 3 posts.

 


























PEGGED ME

It doesn't happen often, or usually at all. But sometimes, a post will just peg me so hard I flinch. You know, reading the same generic crap for a few pages and then BAM you see a post just define you to your core and I honestly have to laugh. because fuck were they so bang on it was undeniable really. There are only 3 instances of this but I must share them.









This one was unfortunate. I mean, jesus. It's like he invaded my head and riffled through my thoughts. THOUGH I WILL NEVER EVER BE A FANBOY. EVER.








Probably one of the only insightful things to come from this twats mouth.











MOST UNDESERVED WARN










Other than being framed, this one was pretty unfair.


 BEST FANBOY











he was kind of obnoxious but he had a decent sense of humour so I guess he was the best of the ridiculous bunch. I mean, its not saying much, but being number one is better than not, right?




FAVOURITE CHEERLEADER (IN DENIAL)

Don't think I can't tell. I know when someone is secretly inlove with me. You must excuse me for leaking our most intimate conversations but I feel its fitting. However if you don't want them up, just say something and I will take them down. I will bleep out your name though cause I'm not that much of an asshole.



73 comments:

  1. cheerleader ha post my name i don't care we already know your a asshole and dumb as can be

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry tony it wouldn't work out between us. The distance thing and I'm too much of a badass to be tied down.

      Plus my heart belongs to Keele.

      Delete
    2. one i'm not gay and two i hate you with a passion since your an asshole and a dumbass so unless someone post a story about you getting kill by natural selection i won't be back

      Delete
  2. in denial that's rich got anything good to say for once or is it all just random stuff you pull out of your ass

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh TONY! I CAN'T RECIPROCATE. WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

      Delete
    2. Guess he was right, you do just pull stuff out of your ass

      Delete
    3. i know but what else can you do when your a worthless troll whose only redeeming quality is i don't have to go to jail for killing him myself

      Delete
  3. I take it that you're still butt hurt that you got banned eh? Oh well, sucks to be you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like how you act line you know all about Halo but you can't even tell which character is which from the series. Clearly you don't know what you're talking about...but what else is new?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not only that but that fan girl is a guy so that's two strikes for him so far

      Delete
  5. We <3 you too zeel :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know as much. Marvel at my greatness because it can't, nay, it SHANT be contained.

      Delete
  6. It seems Zeel is still pissed off about being banned. Perhaps if he didn't do stuff like this he would not have been banned in the first place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really wish you folks would get this part right. I'm not upset about the ban, its the shear injustice of the ban that got my gears grinding. But it's been months, what do I care about some flakey ass ban?

      Delete
    2. Considering you are still making blog entries about the escapist months after you were banned it seems you still do care a bit.

      Delete
    3. I can't wrap my head around such flaky logic. Mentioning something is equating to giving a damn? My, my, you people come up with the craziest things.

      I'll say it again, I've been banned I don't know how many times, this one ban is only special because I went out for bad reasons.

      There is no sour grapes here just reminiscing.

      Delete
    4. you got banned for being a troll so i think its good enough reason. don't try to talk your way out of this its not going to work we're not gullible or stupid

      Delete
    5. As Zeel has stated before he was banned because some impersonated him. Even though he says the moderators believed him they still upheld the ban because they were getting so many reports about him.

      Delete
    6. sounds like a good reason to me he got what he deserved

      Delete
    7. just because he was impersonated or not doesn't change he was going to get banned one way or another

      Delete
    8. You two need to stay out of the law system. That was some warp justification I just read. I mean, luckily this is just some corner of the internet type crap and not anything of real significance or you two would be some shady motherfuckers.

      Honestly, an injust ban will always be just that. If I was going to get banned eventually, they should've waited until I broke the rules.

      Delete
    9. ah water under the bridge you deserved the ban and you know it end of story

      Delete
    10. Yeah well, you can just piss all the way off.

      wankers.

      Delete
    11. I didn't like Zeel when he was the escapist and I don't like him now.

      I am sure a lot of the mod wrath he received was because I reported some of his posts because I felt they broke the rules but an unjust ban is still and unjust ban.

      He didn't deserve to have someone impersonate him and get unjustly banned for it. He at least should have gotten banned his own way.





      Delete
    12. the way he acts unjust or not he got what he deserved too bad someone didn't do it sooner

      Delete
    13. You are wearing me down now tony. An unjust ban by definition cannot be deserved.

      Delete
    14. your a troll so i see any ban as well deserved

      Delete
  7. Nice to see Zeel finally admits that he is nothing but a troll and just goes to forums to flame them.

    I am glad you got banned before you could get banned the way you wanted.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Most undeserved warn? That is a joke right?

    Every warning and suspension you got was deserved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes because the last one in particular was well earned. I mean getting framed, what kind of devious poster does that?

      Cut the crap. Half the warns I got on the site where the moderators fishing. Truth is, most of my posts bordered on "aggressive" but never broke any rules.

      Delete
  9. its amazing that natural selection hasn't done its job

    ReplyDelete
  10. dammit Zeel! why didn't I get a mention?...you know who I am

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lol zeel you're a huge faggot. You're just some fat white faggot who sits at home, failed out of uni and eats his fromunda cheese all day long trying to look for forums to troll but nobody gives a shit. Now go take a shower you miserable fuck, I can smell your swamp ass from here and taste your tears of rage. I used to fuck guys like you in prison. Soft n squishy, how I like it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Zeelster. Zeelypoo. You know you miss us. You don't have to mask your sadness with hatred.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You know what really irks me about all of this?

    That it all went on without me even noticing it.

    Every other thread I'd hear some cautionary tale, telling the OP that "if they're not careful, they'll end up like Zeel" yadda yadda. And I'd think to myself, hmm. This Zeel character sounds interesting, getting all excited at the chance to see some veritable troll virtuoso, effortlessly riling up the masses and casting their woes asunder with fits of laughter... Much to my disappointment, I did find that I'd somehow missed all the fun.

    Like a man waking, after having slept through the party to end all parties. The house a wreck, faceless strangers lining the hallways like alarmingly uneven lumps under the carpet, soaked in booze and arranged in questionable positions. Cats stapled to the ceiling and a chimp sporting your mothers brazier patrolling the grounds, eyeballing you with the knowledge that he knows more than you do. At this moment in time... he's 2 steps ahead of you and he's loving it.

    No recollection of the series of events which lead to this moment and all the time wondering, how the fuck did I miss this?

    And now I've found you, and I get the chance to marvel at your work as you arrange them all in an amenable order. Bite-size chunks of your time and energy, listed and ordered. Ready for me to peruse at my leisure. Ten minutes later I'm left wondering.

    Is this it?

    ReplyDelete
  14. My work truly is a marvel, it is a feast for the eyes and I share it with an audience that makes a drunkard look like ballerina, and I know dancing. Half these clowns had trouble with the peg box in kindergarden, the others still can't color in the lines.

    You can imagine my surprise when blossoming from the usual amount of festering shitpile is a little
    green sapling glistening with morning dew calling to me. "Oh Zeel? zeeeelll"

    "Please flounce me, please, please!"

    You know not what you say young pup. Though your post was a refreshing break from the filth that spams my comment section. Anything that puts my ability in doubt is a weed that needs to be eradicated. My posts aren't so much as posts but gifts, gifts to all who read them. They are like an intricate tapestry, beautiful threads of all colors sown together to create a harmonic rainbow of delights and joys. They are like decrees from the deities themselves, beautifully crafted tomes meant to encapsulate all that is moral and right with the universe.

    Do you not see my piety? Do you not feel and smell the sights of utter completion. Does my blog not bloom brighter than anything despite its surroundings.

    But this defense is beneath me. The lion do not concern their selves with the sheep, even as well done up as you are.

    I am well aware of how Escapist speak of me, pissing and moaning yet in the back of their minds YEARNING for my return. I can not blame them, my account had about one thousand, and each post was akin to showing the neanderthals how to make fire. Do I know why they reacted in such an overwhelming fashion? If not because of my whimsical nature and charming attitude then no, I have no fucking idea why half those fools were jumping up and down like rambunctious children on a special school bus off to Disneyland. Again, Lion, Sheep. I did not come to Escapist to troll them. I do not know how this little 'factoid' persists. Any review of my account would show that my behavior wasn't very trollish, at all. Unless dispensing knowledge is considered trolling.

    As for you, fellow. Sometimes my posts are so concentrated in its amazingness that some minds can't process it, that the greatness is too pure that the eyes can't keep up. Mayhaps this is your problem.

    ReplyDelete
  15. its amazing that someone can live to the age you have given how dumb you are truly amazing

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm a little confused. Where am I admitting to being a troll? I wouldn't make an admission to something so undoubtedly untrue.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'd say right around the first sentence of this post.

    ReplyDelete
  18. It's become startlingly clear to me that I am the best at this here flaming thing. this is where you admitted it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flaming is different from trolling my dears. One is infinitely cooler. Trolling is drab and beneath me.

      Delete
    2. but later on in that group you pretty much said I'm a troll and loving it well not in those words but denying it doesn't help you any since anyone with an iq higher then a gold fish can see it

      Delete
  19. I am surprised people from the escapist are still coming here and trolling you. You did kinda deserve it for the first month with how you acted and insulted everyone but now it is just ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You think they're trolling me? That's a laugh. What I see is a bunch of highschool punks with a wittle crush who can't come to terms with my absence.

      Don't worry pups you will be fed on the anniversary of my banishment.

      Delete
    2. a video of you hitting you self with a baseball bat would be nice

      Delete
    3. guess you really don't know what trolling is in any shape or form

      Delete
    4. Look around you. Really look around you. Do you honestly think YOU somehow can outtroll me? Sweetheart, I was trolling back in my crib. I was trolling while you were suckling your mothers tit. Please do yourself the courtesy of shutting the fuck up.

      Delete
    5. i'm 26 your what ever so don't talk down to me kid

      Delete
    6. Be fed on the anniversary on your banishment? So you plan on banjumping and trolling the escapist again I take it?

      Delete
  20. Flaming and trolling are both stupid and petty. If you flame or troll a website you deserve to get banned from that site.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What makes your pointless blithering so valuable? Why would your fodder be anyless obnoxious than my flaming? I'll tell you something. There are 3 type of members on Message Boards.

      1. Contrarians 2. Mules. 3. Pig Feed

      You are the latter, your opinion serves no purpose but to filth up the board. So please do not begin to lecture me on 'petty'.

      Delete
    2. its funny watching idiots try to defend themselves

      Delete
    3. Fuck off Tony. It's like you're a mole on my ass at this point.

      Delete
    4. The more you feed these people Zeel, the more they will continue to come here and troll you.

      Delete
    5. My presence alone feeds them. They get off on me, just me. I do not have to give them anything, aslong as I'm breathing they will be fueled.

      Delete
  21. keep proving your an idiot replying to these people and i will have to stay

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey, Zeel. FYI, Mass Effect 3 was voted best game of the year on the Escapist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Zeel's a broken record. He will pry complain about how the escapist forums and users suck for voting in his opinion is a shitty game as best game of the year. He will then troll you for telling him and then leave until someone else comes along and insults him or talks about Mass Effect 3.

      Watching Zeel troll the escapist and the people that post on his blog was funny for the first month or tow but after awhile you realize he just says the same stuff and trolls the same way again and again.

      Zeel is basically an old dog that can't learn any new tricks.

      In reality he is pry some loser that doesn't have any friends and goes online to troll people because he thinks it makes up for his sad existence as a human being. Of course when he sees my post he will insult me for calling him out for what is th truth with an insult that he has used before which reinforces my opinion of him being too old to learn new tricks.

      In short he needs to be put down because he fails at life and at being a troll.

      Delete
  23. WOW you sure didn't last long guess they know better now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He probably didn't expect to last long. If he did he would not have made a post that broke the code of conduct. If he didn't mean to get banned than he never should have broke the code of conduct in the first place.

      Delete
    2. its still funny and maybe there will be no unbans this time

      Delete
    3. Most likely not. By insulting someone on his first day back Zeel showed that he has no regard for the code of conduct, the forums, and doesn't deserve to be part of the escapist community. I find it funny because in one of his posts when he came back he said that he thought he could stay out of trouble for a few weeks. Looks like he was wrong.

      He pry knew he was going to get banned for that post and at that point didn't care.

      Delete
    4. i'm close to being kicked out so i plan to be extra careful. its amazing what one low content post gets you

      Delete
    5. I have never actually received a warning at all. Yeah, I understand what you mean. Just make sure that when you post to add a few sentences explaining your opinion. It sucks to see someone banned for a low content post because of how easily it could have been avoided.

      Delete
  24. omg i lol'd so hrd when seel got ban

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems they deleted his account too.

      Delete
  25. I am really surprised that Zeel hasn't made a blog post about being banned permanently or responded to the people saying they are happy about him getting banned.

    I thought for sure he would make a blog post about how the escapist moderation is unfair because it won't let him make fun of people.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Re-stumbled across this somehow. Not sure I'm disappointed there are no more updates or glad that you finally grew up.

    Seriously, when you're older, assuming you ever look back at this, you'll look at this and think, "What the hell was I thinking."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That or Zeel got sick of us spamming his Blog comments and decided to abandon it.

      With the way Zeel acts I doubt he matured at all.

      Delete
  27. Badass Motherfucker? More like a motherfucking dumbass.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Been over a year since this loser has update his blog. He is either dead or has finally grown up and started acting mature.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Seems we won in the end. We spammed his blog so much that he has abandoned it. Seems he can't take what he tries to dish out.

    ReplyDelete